What you need to know before you get married and advice on how to stay together!
by Kathe Forrest
Shakti Parwha Kaur Khalsa, the first Kundalini yoga student in America,
has been giving advice on marriage for over 38 years. Her first book,
published in 1996, Kundalini Yoga: The Flow of Eternal Power, is the
definitive text on kundalini fundamentals.
She has written a marriage manual outlining a strong and committed relationship. Marriage on the Spiritual Path: Mastering the Highest Yoga is an expanded version of Shakti Parwha’s talk-“Don’t Get Married”. These lectures were given to students of Yogi Bhajan (credited with bringing Kundalini yoga to the West) as a reality check before taking vows. Shakti pointed out to the pair that it’s not going to be smooth sailing and that being together in each other’s space is going to be quite a challenge needing practice everyday. You must expect to raise your consciousness with values and virtues and most importantly come from your heart, she writes. The enduring power of love is characterized by a constant desire to give. It is unconditional, accepting the differences between the two of you. Each partner must be kind and compassionate while compensating for each other’s weaknesses.
One thing that can wreck a marriage is Ego. A man needs to have that manifest in him more than a woman. Conversely, a woman has more power in the marriage and more ability to impact the relationship for better or worse. For instance, if she becomes “commotional”-where her emotions are over the top and dramatic, then she loses. On the other hand, a man should not behave as a drama. Relate to a woman as a simple, intelligent man of your word.
A man needs a woman to inspire him, to ease his stress and strain and help him relax. Moreover, a woman wants to brag about the man for something. For example, how intelligent he is. She also wants him to be kind and be honest.
“When a man works on himself to grow and change, his woman will be challenged and work on herself to try to match up to him.”
Shakti emphasizes that the spiritual perspective is missing in our society. How to compensate for that is with the technology of sadhana (spiritual practice) and meditating together. This is the glue or cement in keeping the marriage together. This brings you to a higher state of consciousness where you remember why you got married, who you really are and then you can set aside the trivialities of the day. “Seeing the God in your partner changes your whole perspective”.
A recipe for happiness in a marriage begins with commitment, which builds character. Character or moral fiber builds dignity; that gains you divinity. Divinity is when you put your life on the line to serve another person; that leads to grace and gives you the power to sacrifice, which takes you to happiness.
Marriage on the Spiritual Path: Mastering the Highest Yoga is a practical
guide to understanding and achieving a successful spiritual marriage while keeping up with the demands of daily living.
This was written in 2007 after a interview with the author.
The Negative Mind in Kundalini yoga is regarded as a mind that protects you as well as has you steer clear of what could be positive for you. I have a tendency as a Capricorn to see the negative side of life many times a day but I am trying through my consistent 40 day practice to overcome that scenario.
Here is an example - I had a massage yesterday and it was wonderful! I feel so much better today, less tightness in the shoulders and a more relaxed body. But...yesterday lying on the table, my mind immediately begins to wander into negative thoughts such as, "When will she change to my foot? Her hands don't seem very strong. I better get the full 60 minutes." and so on and so forth. After a few minutes of this chatter, I said to my self and repeated over and over until I felt that I had conquered that Negative mind - this sentence - The Universe brings me exactly what I need today.
It worked! I felt happier almost immediately and almost fell asleep. Here is a Meditation for the Negative Mind for when you too - seem to be in that state of unhelpful and pessimistic thoughts or actions.
Meditation for the Negative Mind: When you need to balance the flashing negativity and protective fervor of the Negative Mind, use this meditation. It clears the subconscious of unwanted negative or fearful thoughts. Then the Negative Mind can give you clear signals to protect and to promote you. The posture is one of calmness and humility that lets the Creator, the Unknown, cover and shield you.
Posture: Sit straight in an easy cross-legged pose. Make a cup of the two hands with both palms facing up, and the right hand resting on top of the left hand. The fingers will cross over each other. Put this open cup at the level of the heart center. Elbows are relaxed at the sides.
Eye Focus: Your eyes are slightly open and looking down toward the hands.
Breath: Inhale deeply in a long steady stroke through the nose. Exhale in a focused stream through rounded lips. You will feel the breath go over the hands.
Mental Focus: Let any thought or desire that is negative, or persistently distracting come into your mind as you breathe. Breathe the thought and feeling in, and exhale it out with the breath.
Time: 11 to 31 minutes
To End: Exhale completely and suspend the breath out as you lock in the navel point. Concentrate on each vertebra of the spine until you can feel it all the way to the base, as stiff as a rod. Then inhale powerfully, exhale completely, and repeat the concentration. Repeat this final breath 3-5 times. Then relax completely.
© The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan
From The Mind: Its Projections and Multiple Facets
On the first of October I began the Meditation for Intuitive Speaking and Applied Consciousness. On the 5th day, I noticed when I woke up, I was aching all over my body as if I had been run over by a truck. I was also nauseous.I assumed this to be because I was teaching Pilates now and doing my practice? Maybe??
Really, I was at a loss...
The next day I was better but there were residual effects. On the 8th day, in the middle of the afternoon, my ribs began to really hurt. It was difficult to walk, breathe and I had no idea what was going on. I left work early and came home to call some friends and ask what they thought of the practice that I was doing and possible repercussions. One thought that I had torn my rib tissue and to stop everything - not to do yoga,Pilates, period! The other friend agreed that I should discontinue the practice and see what happens.
So, I went to bed - not being able to lie down or breathe very well. I decided to take Arnica (30C). I did so at first every 15 minutes and then every 30 and gradually felt better and was able to sleep.
The next morning I was fine. In fact, I had a yoga which I taught with no problem.
But, I did not do the meditation and have not for several days now.
Yes, I was chanting Har and pumping my navel for over 11 minutes and the notes do explain that I will feel it in my rib cage...but this was incredible.
I am writing about this for 2 reasons - to tell my story and to underscore that you may begin a journey to have it quickly go another way. I am of course disappointed that I had to stop but even more so - it is imperative to Listen to my body. Hopefully, I can begin a new 40 days soon.
I have been steady for over 45 days with the Subagh meditation described in Keep the Change.
It's simple and short and subtle changes regarding my perception/conception of money and good fortune has come to pass..
What has also taken place - more money in my life from extra work and the selling of my book - Keep the Change. I want to note here that I have kept up with my 10% tithe each payday and I do believe that over time it will be a 10 fold return. I have seen that occur in my life even when I doubt,
I choose different people and organizations to contribute that 10% such as Habitat for Humanity, Texas Children's hospital, a homeless person, Doctors Without Borders, Jane Goodall foundation, Jimmy Carter Foundation and others.
(The pictures below give you the position of hands - I am doing only this.)
Prosperity doesn't mean that you will have wealth, health and happiness. The best way to explain prosperity is to say it is like when a rosebud flowers and opens up, and it shares its fragrance. That’s the moment, which lasts a few days, when a rose flower is prosperous. When a man or woman is prosperous, it is the fragrance of security, grace, depth, character, and truthfulness that a person can share. Like a candle emits light, a human emits prosperity.”
–Yogi Bhajan, 12/26/97
So Many Kriyas, So Little Time: Choosing a Spiritual Practice
“One part of sadhana should stay constant long enough for you to master, or at least experience, the changes evoked by a single technique. Each kriya and mantra has its individual effects, although they all elevate you toward a cosmic consciousness. Learn to value the pricelessness of one kriya, and all others will be understood in a clearer light.”
–Yogi Bhajan, from The Aquarian Teacher, Level One Instructor. Page 150.
I find a great sense of security and am grateful for routine. I also love a little shake up from the Universe once in a while, just to remind me I am not the Doer! Now I don’t think I am unusual here, but perhaps the type of routines I enjoy may be a little out of the ordinary. I love to choose a sadhana, a spiritual practice that is my very own! Just to have that opportunity to breathe, practice some Kundalini Yoga and a meditation helps me stay on track between Aquarian Sadhana and a good night’s sleep.
In the days when Yogi Bhajan was still with us on Earth, we could make an appointment with our spiritual teacher, and after a few minutes with him, he might give a meditation or a yoga set that would be done for 40 days. I know people who were given meditations or prayers to chant for life, others for 1,000 days. Some of us received meditations to practice for 40 days after attending Women’s Camp. There were 40-day meditations following White Tantric Yoga that he gave to seal the effects of our experience in group consciousness. It felt very special to be at the feet of the Master, knowing he would advise me this way.
Having these opportunities taught me a great deal about my pace in life. I learned that it takes 40 days to break a habit and there were many to break! While practicing Kirtan Kriya for an extended period of time, the primal sounds of Sa Ta Na Ma came into live form for me. I would hear them in my sleep! I knew that there was some deep work going on.
If you are a student, a teacher, a lover of Kundalini Yoga, you may have taken on a meditation for a period of time. It’s a great way to fill the gaps between yoga classes too, and will give you what Yogi Bhajan called “grit.”
When I started to look for my own kriyas and meditations to practice, I felt like Yogi Bhajan had trained me to do this all these years. I had some questions. You may have considered some of these questions too:
As a sensory human, happiness is your birthright. Please take the time to care for your entire being. Your soul will guide you on the path to practicing what you need to find that happiness and peace. I wish you the best on this journey and will share more about personal practice in the future. ~by Sant Kaur Khalsa
Sant Kaur is a Certified Kundalini Yoga Teacher and Co-Director of Yoga4AllTucson. She regularly teaches at 10:30 am Saturdays and leads Mantra Workshops.
The practice of this meditation, even briefly, locates you in your heart, opens your perception, and lets you immediately recognize the way forward. All the blocks that seemed absolute dissolve. When darkness and struggle seem to surround you, a ray of light finds its way in and it is even easier to see through the darkness. This is a state of ordinary miracles. This is a steady state of gratitude to see the constant flow of miracles that accompany you on your path. That is Dharma!
Additional commentary by Gurucharan Singh on this meditation
I walked the dog this morning, came home and decided the rosemary and lavender needed some water. I walked over to the hose, which was circled around a wooden stake and attached so that I did not have to bend.
All of a sudden, twinge in my left sciatic hip.
Ah Oh!! I thought to myself - Great!
I watered and then cautiously and gingerly put the hose away and came inside. I am working in 4 hours so needed to do something soon - took some herbs and then remembered Kriya for Sciatic.
I now feel 75% better having performed the exercises which I will leave here as a link. I cut down on the times to do each asana.
I will of course be careful for the rest of the day but I am simply astounded how quickly I found relief...