What you need to know before you get married and advice on how to stay together!

by Kathe Forrest

Shakti Parwha Kaur Khalsa, the first Kundalini yoga student in America,
has been giving advice on marriage for over 38 years. Her first book,
published in 1996, Kundalini Yoga: The Flow of Eternal Power, is the
definitive text on kundalini fundamentals.

She has written a marriage manual outlining a strong and committed relationship. Marriage on the Spiritual Path: Mastering the Highest Yoga is an expanded version of Shakti Parwha’s talk-“Don’t Get Married”. These lectures were given to students of Yogi Bhajan (credited with bringing Kundalini yoga to the West) as a reality check before taking vows. Shakti pointed out to the pair that it’s not going to be smooth sailing and that being together in each other’s space is going to be quite a challenge needing practice everyday. You must expect to raise your consciousness with values and virtues and most importantly come from your heart, she writes. The enduring power of love is characterized by a constant desire to give. It is unconditional, accepting the differences between the two of you. Each partner must be kind and compassionate while compensating for each other’s weaknesses.

One thing that can wreck a marriage is Ego. A man needs to have that manifest in him more than a woman. Conversely, a woman has more power in the marriage and more ability to impact the relationship for better or worse. For instance, if she becomes “commotional”-where her emotions are over the top and dramatic, then she loses. On the other hand, a man should not behave as a drama. Relate to a woman as a simple, intelligent man of your word.

 A man needs a woman to inspire him, to ease his stress and strain and help him relax. Moreover, a woman wants to brag about the man for something. For example, how intelligent he is. She also wants him to be kind and be honest. 

“When a man works on himself to grow and change, his woman will be challenged and work on herself to try to match up to him.”

Shakti emphasizes that the spiritual perspective is missing in our society. How to compensate for that is with the technology of sadhana (spiritual practice) and meditating together. This is the glue or cement in keeping the marriage together. This brings you to a higher state of consciousness where you remember why you got married, who you really are and then you can set aside the trivialities of the day. “Seeing the God in your partner changes your whole perspective”.

A recipe for happiness in a marriage begins with commitment, which builds character. Character or moral fiber builds dignity; that gains you divinity. Divinity is when you put your life on the line to serve another person; that leads to grace and gives you the power to sacrifice, which takes you to happiness.

Marriage on the Spiritual Path: Mastering the Highest Yoga is a practical
guide to understanding and achieving a successful spiritual marriage while keeping up with the demands of daily living.


This was written in 2007 after a interview with the author. 

The Negative Mind in Kundalini yoga is regarded as a mind that protects you as well as has you steer clear of what could be positive for you. I have a tendency as a Capricorn to see the negative side of life many times a day but I am trying through my consistent 40 day practice to overcome that scenario.
Here is an example - I had a massage yesterday and it was wonderful! I feel so much better today, less tightness in the shoulders and a more relaxed body. But...yesterday lying on the table, my mind immediately begins to wander into negative thoughts such as, "When will she change to my foot? Her hands don't seem very strong. I better get the full 60 minutes." and so on and so forth. After a few minutes of this chatter, I said to my self and repeated over and over until I felt that I had conquered that Negative mind - this sentence - The Universe brings me exactly what I need today.
It worked! I felt happier almost immediately and almost fell asleep. Here is a Meditation for the Negative Mind for when you too - seem to be in that state of unhelpful and pessimistic thoughts or actions.


Meditation for the Negative Mind: When you need to balance the flashing negativity and protective fervor of the Negative Mind, use this meditation. It clears the subconscious of unwanted negative or fearful thoughts. Then the Negative Mind can give you clear signals to protect and to promote you. The posture is one of calmness and humility that lets the Creator, the Unknown, cover and shield you.

Posture: Sit straight in an easy cross-legged pose. Make a cup of the two hands with both palms facing up, and the right hand resting on top of the left hand. The fingers will cross over each other. Put this open cup at the level of the heart center. Elbows are relaxed at the sides.  

Eye Focus: Your eyes are slightly open and looking down toward the hands.

Breath: Inhale deeply in a long steady stroke through the nose. Exhale in a focused stream through rounded lips. You will feel the breath go over the hands.

Mental Focus: Let any thought or desire that is negative, or persistently distracting come into your mind as you breathe. Breathe the thought and feeling in, and exhale it out with the breath.

Time: 11 to 31 minutes

To End: Exhale completely and suspend the breath out as you lock in the navel point. Concentrate on each vertebra of the spine until you can feel it all the way to the base, as stiff as a rod. Then inhale powerfully, exhale completely, and repeat the concentration. Repeat this final breath 3-5 times. Then relax completely.

© The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan

From The Mind: Its Projections and Multiple Facets

On the first of October I began the Meditation  for Intuitive Speaking and Applied Consciousness. On the 5th day, I noticed when I woke up, I was aching all over my body as if I had been run over by a truck. I was also nauseous.I assumed this to be because I was teaching Pilates now and doing my practice? Maybe??
Really, I was at a loss...
The next day I was better but there were residual effects. On the 8th day, in the middle of the afternoon, my ribs began to really hurt. It was difficult to walk, breathe and I had no idea what was going on. I left work early and came home to call some friends and ask what they thought of the practice that I was doing and possible repercussions. One thought that I had torn my rib tissue and to stop everything - not to do yoga,Pilates, period! The other friend agreed that I should discontinue the practice and see what happens.
So, I went to bed - not being able to lie down or breathe very well. I decided to take Arnica (30C). I did so at first every 15 minutes and then every 30 and gradually felt better and was able to sleep.
The next morning I was fine. In fact, I had a yoga which I taught with no problem.
But, I did not do the meditation and have not for several days now.
Yes, I was chanting Har and pumping my navel for over 11 minutes and the notes do explain that I will feel it in my rib cage...but this was incredible. 
I am writing about this for 2 reasons - to tell my story and to underscore that you may begin a journey to have it quickly go another way. I am of course disappointed that I had to stop but even more so - it is imperative to Listen to my body. Hopefully, I can begin a new 40 days soon. 

I have been steady for over 45 days with the Subagh meditation described in Keep the Change. 
It's simple and short and subtle changes regarding my perception/conception of money and good fortune has come to pass..
What has also taken place - more money in my life from extra work and the selling of my book - Keep the Change. I want to note here that I have kept up with my 10% tithe each payday and I do believe that over time it will be a 10 fold return. I have seen that occur in my life even when I doubt, 
I choose different people and organizations to contribute that 10% such as Habitat for Humanity, Texas Children's hospital, a homeless person, Doctors Without Borders, Jane Goodall foundation, Jimmy Carter Foundation and others.
(The pictures below give you the position of hands - I am doing only this.)

 Prosperity doesn't mean that you will have wealth, health and happiness. The best way to explain prosperity is to say it is like when a rosebud flowers and opens up, and it shares its fragrance. That’s the moment, which lasts a few days, when a rose flower is prosperous. When a man or woman is prosperous, it is the fragrance of security, grace, depth, character, and truthfulness that a person can share. Like a candle emits light, a human emits prosperity.” 
–Yogi Bhajan, 12/26/97 

So Many Kriyas, So Little Time: Choosing a Spiritual Practice

“One part of sadhana should stay constant long enough for you to master, or at least experience, the changes evoked by a single technique. Each kriya and mantra has its individual effects, although they all elevate you toward a cosmic consciousness. Learn to value the pricelessness of one kriya, and all others will be understood in a clearer light.” 
–Yogi Bhajan, from The Aquarian Teacher, Level One Instructor. Page 150.

I find a great sense of security and am grateful for routine. I also love a little shake up from the Universe once in a while, just to remind me I am not the Doer! Now I don’t think I am unusual here, but perhaps the type of routines I enjoy may be a little out of the ordinary. I love to choose a sadhana, a spiritual practice that is my very own! Just to have that opportunity to breathe, practice some Kundalini Yoga and a meditation helps me stay on track between Aquarian Sadhana and a good night’s sleep.

In the days when Yogi Bhajan was still with us on Earth, we could make an appointment with our spiritual teacher, and after a few minutes with him, he might give a meditation or a yoga set that would be done for 40 days. I know people who were given meditations or prayers to chant for life, others for 1,000 days. Some of us received meditations to practice for 40 days after attending Women’s Camp. There were 40-day meditations following White Tantric Yoga that he gave to seal the effects of our experience in group consciousness. It felt very special to be at the feet of the Master, knowing he would advise me this way.

Having these opportunities taught me a great deal about my pace in life. I learned that it takes 40 days to break a habit and there were many to break! While practicing Kirtan Kriya for an extended period of time, the primal sounds of Sa Ta Na Ma came into live form for me. I would hear them in my sleep! I knew that there was some deep work going on.

If you are a student, a teacher, a lover of Kundalini Yoga, you may have taken on a meditation for a period of time.  It’s a great way to fill the gaps between yoga classes too, and will give you what Yogi Bhajan called “grit.”

When I started to look for my own kriyas and meditations to practice, I felt like Yogi Bhajan had trained me to do this all these years. I had some questions. You may have considered some of these questions too:

1. What do I need? To find out what I needed, I had to understand my feelings, and why I was seeking. I took some time, looked through some manuals and meditated on the source of my quest.
2. What do I want? I needed to dig in, find my intention.
3. How much time do I have? That’s usually a big one and each time, I get the chance to decide when I will have the time. Sometimes an evening sadhana feels right, and sometimes a yoga set mid-day will give me exactly what I am looking for. A daily practice can be 3 minutes or 62 minutes.

Once I decide upon the practice, I look at how long I would like to be in the flow of it. I look for a simple approach.

As a sensory human, happiness is your birthright. Please take the time to care for your entire being. Your soul will guide you on the path to practicing what you need to find that happiness and peace. I wish you the best on this journey and will share more about personal practice in the future. ~by Sant Kaur Khalsa

Sant Kaur is a Certified Kundalini Yoga Teacher and Co-Director of Yoga4AllTucson. She regularly teaches at 10:30 am Saturdays and leads Mantra Workshops.

The practice of this meditation, even briefly, locates you in your heart, opens your perception, and lets you immediately recognize the way forward. All the blocks that seemed absolute dissolve. When darkness and struggle seem to surround you, a ray of light finds its way in and it is even easier to see through the darkness. This is a state of ordinary miracles. This is a steady state of gratitude to see the constant flow of miracles that accompany you on your path. That is Dharma!

Additional commentary by Gurucharan Singh on this meditation
http://www.3ho.org/meditation-2nd-sutra-mandhavani-kriya

I walked the dog this morning, came home and decided the rosemary and lavender needed some water. I walked over to the hose, which was circled around a wooden stake and attached so that I did not have to bend.

 All of a sudden, twinge in my left sciatic hip. 

Ah Oh!! I thought to myself - Great! 

I watered and then cautiously and gingerly put the hose away and came inside. I am working in 4 hours so needed to do something soon - took some herbs and then remembered Kriya for Sciatic.

I now feel 75% better having performed the exercises which I will leave here as a link. I cut down on the times to do each asana.
http://www.pinklotus.org/-%20KY%20Kriya%20for%20the%20sciatic%20nerve.htm

I will of course be careful for the rest of the day but I am simply astounded how quickly I found relief...
Sat Nam

Self-healing for chronic and critical illness – 
“One part of sadhana (daily spiritual practice) should stay constant long enough for you to master, or at least experience, the changes evoked by a single technique. Each kriya and mantra has its individual effects, although they all elevate you toward a cosmic consciousness. Learn to value the pricelessness of one kriya, and all others will be understood in a clearer light.”                   -Yogi Bhajan, from The Aquarian Teacher

Throughout time and space, the number 40 has proven to be a key to initiate and maintain transformation. It’s also been a formula to help a person be able to withstand trauma and upheavals and gather strength for all that life throws at them.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.  -Martin Luther King, Jr

In the book, Keep the Change, Simple Practices for Lasting Transformation Using Yoga, Meditation and Journaling, there are several examples of peoples’ experiences with a 40 or 90 day sadhana – or longer!  Their spiritual journeys include themes such as understanding the male/female balance in relationship or opening up your prosperity or how to overcome health issues, i.e. chronic and critical illness.

Keep the Change explains the how, when and why to “keep up” your yoga and meditation practice, and also details the process of journaling through the course of the commitment.

Keeping a record of your experience – be it your accomplishment, feelings that surface, barriers or blocks, joy, bliss, etc. – is another technique to unlock the mind and nurture self-awareness.

“Sometimes you ask, Which meditation will work out? Every meditation will work out! ” ~ Yogi Bhajan

Each and every one of us has a genetic code, a pattern that makes us unique, and because of that distinction, there are a myriad of ways to perform and relish the 40-day sadhana. Some of us may choose 31 minutes of chanting or a 3-minute pranayama (breath awareness exercise).  Another idea to practice for an extended time is to not say a negative word about or to anyone.

Along with other people’s testimonials in the book, Guruatma shared her experiences of applying the yogic tool of a 40-day sadhana to her recuperative process after a life-threatening disease took her down for more than a decade:

On performing a 40-day sadhana while recuperating from a grave illness as shared by Guruatma:

            After an extended period of low-dosage chemotherapy (5 yrs), high-dosage prednisone (11 yrs) and taking many (about 20) other Px drugs, my nervous system was shot – I WAS A WRECK and felt like a walking, open wound still fighting on the war front. Even though I thought I was insane to do it, because I knew I would definitely suffer to even TRY, I committed to 40 days of the 3HOKriya to Balance and Recharge the Nervous and Immune System. It’s very hard for me to hold to the discipline of 40 days as discipline and balance are life-long issues for me. My experience of this yoga and meditation kriya was that it cooled me down and definitely put me back together again – that’s why I named it “Humpty Dumpty Kriya”.

            It was super-challenging to hold my arms up, so I started with 3 and worked my way up to 11 minutes. The end of the exercise is where you have to work the hardest; over time, I could feel things adjusting and coming into balance in my systems. This was no magic trick – I had to kick-butt and somehow, the ‘umph’ that I needed to do the exercises was provided therein.

            It promises to slowly and steadily build a very strong steel-like stamina in you, and that is exactly what it delivered. I extended the 40 days many times, until I felt I could afford to stop doing it. It safely brought me back into life. I really don’t know what else on earth could have pulled off that miracle, and I am forever grateful for the gift of that particular yogic tool. It brought me back into life, and this is now what I coach about – what you Can Do!

            Another meditation that proved to be very powerful in my life was calledDeep Memory of a Past Projection from book, The Mind - Its Projections and Multiple Facets by Yogi Bhajan PhD with Gurucharan Singh S Khalsa, PhD.  So, here I was, brought back to life to find myself PROFOUNDLY DEAF! and no longer able to listen to music, with numb feet (peripheral neuropathy) and all kinds of other unbelievable-to-me, life-altering conditions on my plate. WHO WAS I??? if I could not be the singer and the runner and the everything-else-that-I used-to-be? All my energy was totally sucked into that irresistible memory of my past identity. Just like the book says, I was “tempted, hypnotized and distracted” by my attachment. So… whatever is removed from your life (i.e. husband, job, hearing, etc.) and you need to know who you are now, what your focus is now – this meditation will help the past elements and past projections drop.

It was a terrible time in my life; I felt totally disoriented, desperate, depressed and REALLY MAD! I was alive but jet-lagged from life as I knew it. I seriously questioned why I was alive, and I demanded God to SHOW ME! what could possibly be the justification for hanging out on earth any longer in this condition. This meditation felt SOOOO SOOTHING to me; it has a breath pattern that I just loved doing! Thanks to repeating this meditation for many 40-day cycles, I was able to pick up and walk forward – it did the trick and I was able to drop the past, much to my surprise.

Its effects linger, even after all these years – it lives and breathes with me. Because I am late-deafened and have a memory bank of 43 years of normal hearing, when I wake up in the morning, my consciousness automatically downloads and presents to me the memory of being a hearing person, but I soon find out that I’m still deaf.

            This meditation is my forever-anchor – it provides me with a yogic tool that is always ‘under my belt’. It helps me absorb that shock of waking-up so that I am able to move right into coaching myself, “This is who you are, today, Guruatma; you can do this – ‘keep up’ and focus on the gratitudes!”

            My soul’s purposeful fulfillment depends on finding this platform to perch on; it keeps me in the reality, and I get to forever practice not relating to anything that limits me.

            Thank you for the opportunity to share this precious and powerful technology, Siri Kirin.

Can one change in just 6 weeks? Does being disciplined make one stronger, a better person or 
true to oneself? What is being "better" about?
For me, I respect those qualities of a hard worker, a dependable sort - one that shows up! And we can all be like that; however, a steady practice of a repetitive and good action leads to awareness. That being said, awareness of what? My work situation? My feelings toward another? My looking at how I acted in a given situation?
Yes!! and Yes!! again.
Repetition - doing the same thing day in day out. Keep the Change, Simple Practices for Lasting Transformationexplains clearly the "how to" and the "whys?" This 40 day discipline has been in my life now for almost 6 years and I guarantee results.

It is important to keep channels clear at all times and that you hold a great responsibility in your hands. Waste no precious time in idle thinking and dreaming or in the patter of words, which are spoken without any meaning behind them. Realize that within you, you have All Power, All Intelligence, All Wisdom, All Understanding; that you can draw from the very source of Universal Mind, Universal Consciousness.
20 April 2012
 
from Eileen Caddy